The Last Goodbye
by Faulty Cameras
Summary: The words constantly played over and over in his head and just wouldn't stop. 'Summer's been in an accident.'
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

A/N- So originally this was going to be a onehsot, but I think it would be better if it was separated. It's not going to be too long, probably no more than 6 chapters and I have the majority of it written, just have to fix some of it. Oh and if the medical stuff is wrong...it's probably because anything medical I'm more or less getting it from Grey's Anatomy. Thanks to Meg for reading this over for me.

* * *

Seth dropped the phone. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. How could this have happened? The phone conversation he had just had was playing back in his mind, one sentence in particular.

"Summer's been in an accident."

He ran out through the house as this played through his head. He needed to get to the hospital. He needed to go and make sure Summer was okay. She needed to be okay. He wouldn't believe anything, bad or good, until he saw her.

He ran into his son's bedroom, where he was sleeping soundly. He had spent the day at home with Seth, instead of going out with his mom and older brother. It had been a great day. Seth and Summer had been trying to spend as much time as possible with each of their sons since they had found out they were having another baby.

He stopped as he was about to wake Cooper up. James. He was with Summer. The woman on the phone hadn't mentioned anything about him. Was something wrong with him too? Was it serious, so serious she couldn't even mention it to him until he was there? Or was Summer's condition more serious than her son's?

He shook these thoughts out of his mind. He wouldn't let himself think about it until he got to the hospital. For now, he just had to get there.

"Cooper," Seth shook his son softly.

The little boy groaned in his sleep, then slowly opened his eyes. "Daddy?"

"Coop, we have to go somewhere," Seth said, trying to pull the boy out of his bed.

The five year old boy rubbed his eyes. "Where's Mommy?"

Seth sighed. He didn't think he could handle trying to explain this to his son right now. He knew that Cooper was smart, smart enough to know that something was going up. It was his nap time, a time where he was usually left alone. He was never woken up, so he must have known something was going on.

"We just have to go somewhere. I'll call Uncle Ryan and Aunt Taylor and they can come with us."

Cooper's face lit up slightly. He knew if his uncle and aunt were going to be there, nothing could be wrong. He finally let his father take him out of the bed.

Seth looked at the clock. It had already been fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes since he had gotten that phone call. Fifteen minutes had gone by and he still didn't know what was going on.

"Come on Coop," Seth said, trying to pull his son's shirt over his head. Finally his head popped out, a mess of brown curls being what was seen the most.

Seth couldn't handle it as Cooper started to walk slowly out of the house. He picked the boy up, running out to the car.

He buckled the small boy into the car, then got in. He started the car and as he did so, it finally hit him.

He was about to drive to the hospital to see if his family was still alive.

He wiped his hand over his face, trying to rid himself of this thought, trying to rid his eyes of tears. He couldn't let Cooper know he was upset. He would tell him what was going on at the hospital or he would make Taylor do it. She was so much better at explaining things to him.

He started the drive to the hospital, breaking multiple laws in doing so. He hadn't even driven this fast when Summer had been in labor with James or Cooper, despite all her screaming at him. He had always driven just how he felt. He started to wish that he had listened to her.

He wished that she was still living so he could prove to her that he was actually capable of driving fast.

He pulled into the hospital, parking in the first parking spot he could find, not caring if it was a handicap spot or not.

He picked Cooper up and was just short of shoving the boy under his arm and running. He got into the hospital realizing he had no idea where he needed to go.

He walked to the first desk he saw, where a woman was sitting behind. She looked up when Seth came over.

"Can I help you?"

"I need to know where my wife and son are. Summer and James Cohen. They were in an accident," Seth replied.

Cooper stood and listened to his father talk. He watched his face and the woman behind the desk's face. Both had somber looks. What kind of accident did his mom have, he wondered.

'Maybe she wet the bed,' he thought in his mind. 'I'll tell her that it's okay, just like she tells me.'

Seth listened to the woman as she told him Summer was on the third floor. In all of his experience at hospitals, he had never seen a look like that on someone's face as they were telling him where to go.

He knew that this couldn't be good.

He walked over to the elevator, pressing the button for it to come to them. It was taking so long. He stood, waiting and waiting. It still didn't come.

"Cooper, come on," he said as he grabbed the boy's hand. They were going to take the stairs. He couldn't wait a minute longer.

They found the stairs and started to walk, or in Seth's case, run up them. Cooper was having a problem keeping up with his father, his little legs unable to take the large steps that Seth was taking.

Finally, the stairs that had seemed endless came to the third floor. They got to the waiting area, unable to know what was going to happen now that they were actually there. Then Seth spotted a familiar head with brown hair, realizing elder son was sitting on one of the plastic chairs.

"James," Seth walked over to him. He looked him over and saw that he had a cast on his arm and a few bruises along his body, but other than that he looked pretty okay. This instilled a new feeling of hope in his heart. If James was okay, it would mean the Summer was okay.

"Dad!" the ten year old threw himself into his father's arms. Seth felt the sobs shaking his body.

"Shh, James it's all right," Seth was saying words that he wasn't even sure if they were true. He wish he could be certain that they were right.

There was a tap on his shoulder and he turned away from James. There was a woman standing there, a kind smile on her face.

"Are you Seth Cohen?"

"Yes," he replied, straightening himself out, still keeping his arm on James's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"I'm Dr. Strong, your wife's doctor," she replied. "Is Summer okay?"

The smile left her face for a fleeting moment, something that Seth noticed, and he started to take as a bad sign.

She started talking to him, explaining to him how there was a car accident and that she was hit directly. At that moment, she told him, they were going to take her into surgery.

"Is the baby okay?"

This time, the smile left and didn't come back. "We're trying everything we can Mr. Cohen. All we can tell you is to sit tight and wait. We'll come and tell you when we know more."

She gave him one last smile, no longer kind, but now a sad a sympathetic smile. She walked away, leaving Seth alone.

He knew she was sugar coating it all. He hated doctors for the reason that they never really told you what was going on, or at least any doctor that he had ever had. He was almost positive that nothing was going right.

He sat down on the seat, his head in his hands, James and Cooper on either side of him. He didn't know what was going on and he had never felt more lost in his life before.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- Sorry that this is so short. It was originally longer but then I decided to separate it. So apologies for the shortness. Thanks to all those who reviewed the first chapter!

* * *

The silence. The lack of answers to his numerous questions. The waiting. They were all starting to get to Seth.

He had been sitting the waiting room for hours. He had lost all sense of time, no longer bothering to keep track of time. Time wasn't anything of importance to him at that moment, though in the back of his mind he thought that it should have been. Time was something he might not have left with Summer. As soon as that thought would arrive in his mind, he would push it away. He couldn't let himself think like that. He needed something else to occupy his mind with.

He looked around the waiting room. A television was playing in the background, an old episode of _The Valley_ playing. He didn't understand the point of the television in the waiting room. It was pointless, just mindless noise and movements in the background. No one would really care about the characters from _The Valley_ as they waited to hear news of their loved ones.

He moved his eyes from the television down to the table in front of him. It was scattered with magazines, magazines dating from long ago. He studied the pictures on all of the covers, not picking one up.

He continued waiting, continued to try and figure out when he would get news. It couldn't be much longer, he constantly told himself. He knew that soon enough Dr. Strong would be coming out to him, telling him Summer was fine.

He soon stopped concentrating on everything, on thoughts, on television, on celebrities on magazine covers. He stared at his shoes. This would be the thing he could do, could do without thinking.

"Seth."

He looked up from his shoes when he heard a familiar voice say his name. His heart beat sped up for a minute, thinking it was Dr. Strong, coming with news for him.

Instead it was just Ryan and Taylor, looks of sympathy and compassion on their face. It was a look he was already tired of. He had received numerous looks like this as multiple walked by him in the waiting room. Nurses, doctors, others waiting. It was all he had really received since he had arrived in the hospital.

Taylor sat down next to him, wrapping him into a hug. "How are you?"

Seth couldn't help it, something inside of him snapped. He was so sick of the sympathetic sound in the voice, the tone in people's voice like he was a child and that he couldn't handle what was happening all around him. His temper exploded at her, him being unable to control it. "I'm doing just fucking great. How the hell do you think I'm doing?"

He saw the look on Taylor's face, but he didn't say anything. He didn't regret it really, didn't want to take it back. He wanted them to know how he felt. He wanted them to know the pain he was feeling. He just wasn't sure that they would be able to ever know exactly.

Taylor got back up, walking away from Seth and leaving him alone with Ryan. He saw her go over to James and Cooper, who Seth had nearly forgotten about in all of his waiting. Cooper had fallen asleep but James was awake, watching his father. Seth wondered what was going through James's mind at that moment.

"Seth," this time is was Ryan who spoke his name. Taylor thought it would be best if she maybe takes James and Cooper back to our house for the night. It's getting late and they shouldn't be here."

"Whatever," Seth said. He resumed his action of staring at his shoes.

He heard Taylor gather the boys up, trying not to wake Cooper. Cooper continued sleeping and they started walking away, James turned and ran back to his father.

"Daddy, I'm scared." To Seth at that moment, he looked so much younger than ten.

"Me too James," Seth whispered, hugging his son tightly. "Me too."

They stayed frozen like this for a minute, Taylor and Ryan watching the sad scene. Finally James released his father then went back to his aunt's side. They left Seth with Ryan, who took a seat next to him.

He didn't make him talk. For once, Seth didn't want to talk out his problems with Ryan. It was the only time he could ever recall and if he had been in a better place he would have said something about marking the day down. He changed his gaze from his shoes to staring at the television again. It wasn't doing anything though. The earlier thoughts kept coming into his head.

He had to stop. No longer looking for distractions, he realized that there was nothing more that he could do. He just had to wait.

Ryan sat uncomfortably next to Seth. This was the longest he had been with Seth and there had been no words said by him. It was more than a little weird for him. He had to break the silence so he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Have you called Sandy and Kirsten yet?"

"Not yet. I...I want to wait until I get some sort of news. Good news, of course,"Seth replied.

"Everything's going to be okay. Summer and the baby will be fine."

Seth felt the anger rising, the anger that he had earlier with Taylor coming back. "How is it all going to be okay? My wife is in there and she could be fucking dying. Our baby could be too. How can you tell me that its all going to be okay? Jesus, Ryan. Don't even start to tell me that it's going to be okay."

Seth leaned back, closing his eyes. He couldn't handle this. As each minute passed by without him knowing anything, it was getting harder and harder.

"Seth, I'm sorry," Ryan said finally. "I was just trying to...I don't even know."

"I know," Seth replied after a few minutes of silence had passed.

The silence set in again, but this time it wasn't an uncomfortable one. It was just a silence.

Seth once again closed his eyes. He just now was realizing how tired he really was. He just couldn't sleep, not without knowing. For now though, he would just rest his eyes.

He heard footsteps coming toward him. He opened his eyes up slowly and saw Dr. Strong walking towards him.


	3. Chapter 3

Seth stood as Dr. Strong came towards them. He took a deep breath as she finally stopped in front of them. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, the only thing that he could think of doing to distract himself. He needed the distraction if only for a brief fleeting second.

There was no smile on her face this time. Seth couldn't read her facial expressions, she was wearing a completely blank expression.

"Seth," she started, her voice soft and gentle. "I'm sorry. We tried to do everything we could. She's not going to make it."

Seth closed his eyes briefly. He wondered how many times a day she had to say this to someone. How many different reactions she got. How many different people she had to break news that the love of their life was going to die. He wondered if it affected her at all. This had to be a dream. It couldn't be reality.

This couldn't be happening. The world seemed to stop in the moment that he heard Summer was not going to make it. For a moment, he just wanted to go back in time and change everything . He wanted to change everything that had ever gone wrong. He couldn't now. It was too late.

"What about the baby?" Ryan spoke for Seth, who for once was unable to find his voice.

Dr. Strong gave them a sad smile. "We're optimistic for her. For now though, we're just watching her very carefully. She's very tiny, as she was premature, and there were some slight complications earlier."

God. Their baby was okay. Their baby was a little girl. Finally a little girl. Just what Summer had wanted. Just what Summer had wanted and she wasn't going to be able to see her grow.

"Is she..." Seth's voice caught in his throat, unable to voice the words that he had to say.

"Is she gone?"

"No, she's in a room. She's very weak. She...she probably doesn't have much longer," Dr. Strong said, her voice suddenly sounding tired and worn. This made Seth think about how much she had to say this to people once again. He wondered why anyone would want to do this, want to tell someone this terrible news.

"Can I...can I say goodbye?" Seth felt the tears drop down his face, he didn't bother wiping them away.

She nodded. Seth looked at Ryan, who just nodded, then sat back on the chairs. Seth took a deep breath, then followed Dr. Strong, to see Summer. To give his last goodbye.

"I'll leave you here," she said to him. "I am truly sorry for your loss."

Seth watched her walk away, leaning against the wall. He didn't know if he could go in there. To see Summer, knowing it was the last time he would see her. God, this was so hard. He wiped his face clear of tears, not wanting Summer to know how upset he was. He took one final deep breath then turned the doorknob. He walked into the room. Summer was laying in the bed in the middle of the room.

He almost started crying again. She looked so fragile, so weak. He couldn't believe that a car accident had done this to her. He hated this. He hated the person responsible. He hated himself at that moment for letting her go. Maybe, if he had decided to have them all spend the day together, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe she would still have a chance at life.

He couldn't think of the maybes. He had to be in the now. He had to make sure their last goodbye was a good goodbye. It had to be. If this ended badly, he wouldn't know what he would do with himself.

"Cohen," her voice came to him softly. It was no longer full of life, like it was always when she talked. It was so weak, so soft and quiet.

He walked over to her, pulling the chair up to her bed. He sat down, grasping her hand in his. Her own grip was weak and barely there. He was reminded of all the times before when they had held hands, when her grip was as tight as his own.

"Summer," he said, his voice sounding hoarse and worn. There was so much he wanted to say to her. So much that he didn't know how to say.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for Sum?"

"This is all my fault. I had to take James out today. I should have waited. Maybe if I hadn't..."

"Shh. Nothing is your fault. This is no one's fault. Don't talk like that Summer," he couldn't have her talk like that. It was too much for him. "Please don't."

She nodded. He noticed how labored her breath had become, how slow it was. Her eyes weren't even completely open. He knew that they had barely any time. He could tell she knew it too.

"Cohen, tell James and Cooper I love them, so much. Make sure they never forget that. Make sure that they never ever forget me," she said, the tears spilling out of her eyes. Seth couldn't help it, his eyes had tears in them too. ⌠I would never be able to do that Summer."

"And the new baby. Don't let her grow up not knowing me. I need to know that you would make sure she knows who I am. Knows that I didn't want to abandon her," her voice caught in her throat.

They both were quiet, the only noise being heard were his tears and her slow labored breathing. He couldn't believe that this was really happening. It couldn't be really happening. When was he going to be waking up from this dream, this nightmare?

Seth decided to talk now. He couldn't let her go on, it pained him too much. "Summer, I'm sorry. Sorry for everything that I've ever done to you. I didn't mean any of it, even the idiotic things that I did when we were in high school. All that ever mattered to me was you. You are and always will be the love of my life and I would never change any of the times that we spent together. Those were and always will be the best times of my life. I love you so much Summer. God, I love you so much," he buried his head into her arm. "Jesus, this hurts so much. So fucking much. Please don't leave me Summer. I can't go on. I don't know what to do without you."

"I'm sorry Seth." her breath was becoming slower and more difficult for her. "Just know, I'm always there. And don't ever forget me."

"Like I could forget you," he said to her. He meant it. Summer was someone he had never forgot, never would forget. She was the love of his life, the only love. He would never have another love, she was his only and forever.

"I love you Cohen."

He moved his head to look at her. Her eyes had closed and he knew that they weren't going to open again.

He felt her grip loosen and that's when he knew. She was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Dislclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

A/N-Sorry this took so long to update, the lack of a computer kind of helped that. Now though I have the computer back, all fixed. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and to Meg for proofreading this.

* * *

Seth didn't want to believe it. He tried telling himself it was all a dream. He just needed to wake up.

Despite all the pinching that he did to his arm he didn't wake up. He had to face the reality.

Summer was dead.

He sank down to the floor. It finally really hit him. Summer was not coming back to him.

She was no longer going to be there when he first woke up in the mornings. She was no longer going to be there for their kids. She was no longer going to be the last thing he saw before he shut his eyes at night.

She was no longer alive.

He had to get out of the hospital. He couldn't be in the same place anymore. He walked out of the hospital and never wanted to go back.

* * *

Ryan couldn't help it. He cried. He let the tears fall from his eyes.

He thought back to when they had first met. Everything was so different. Marissa was alive. Summer was alive and still didn't even know Seth's name. Seth was friendless and even Ryan was different. It all felt like it was a whole different life.

He wanted to go back the that day, those times. He wanted them all to just be together again. He wished everything could go back. He would give anything to have Summer and Marissa alive with them again.

He hated that he knew none of it was ever going to happen.

* * *

Taylor didn't know what to do. She had no clue what was going on at the hospital. Non one had called her with any news. Without a call, she was just going to assume that it was good news.

Until she received a call, she needed something to preoccupy her. There was no one awake in the house and it was completely silent. This was the one time she wished that her son Micah was awake and crying. This was the one time he was actually going to sleep.

Finally she decided that she would clean the house. She attacked this task furiously, allowing her mind to just think of cleaning and nothing else. She didn't want to think of anything else. She started in the living room, cleaning every little nook and cranny she could possibly get to. It took an hour and still there was no news, so into the kitchen she went.

After she started to scrub the floor, she heard the front door open and close quietly. She paused, waiting. Ryan came into the kitchen, his eyes red and puffy. A look at his eyes told Taylor all she needed to know and yet she waited for him to say it out loud. She needed to hear it. She wanted him to not say what she was thinking.

"Wh-what happened?" she stuttered.

"She didn't make it Taylor," he replied quietly.

For a moment neither of them moved. Taylor finally did so but instead of going to Ryan, she resumed her scrubbing of the floor. She was doing it with such vigor, almost like she wanted the floor to disappear. It took Ryan a minute to realize that her tears were mixing into the water. He walked over to her side and kneeled next to her.

"I-I have to finish this." Her body was shaking with sobs as she said this. "Especially now that you walked on it."

Ryan gently took the sponge out of her hands and wrapped his arms around her. He just held her and let her cry.

* * *

Seth stood outside for an hour, unable to go inside, despite the chilly night. He couldn't bring himself to go inside.

Tonight they were going to have a movie night, like they did every week. It was Summer's turn to pick the movie and Seth knew it was going to be Little Women again. She picked that practically every time it was her turn lately, after rediscovering her favorite childhood movie on television. None of them ever complained about it though.

Seth didn't want to be inside, knowing that they weren't all together, watching their movie. He didn't want to be alone but he really didn't want to be with anyone. All he wanted was for Summer to be alive.

* * *

Ryan and Taylor sat in their living room, taking in the silence. They were both absorbed in thought, not really noticing each other.

They were both pulled out of their thoughts when there was a loud and furious knock on the door. Ryan opened it to reveal Seth, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking tired and worn, and like he had just aged immensely. He almost looked like a different person.

"Seth what are you doing here? Didn't I drop you off at your house?" Ryan was confused as to how he was able to get here, considering he was the one who had Seth's car at the moment.

"I walked."

"You should have called. We would have come and picked you up," Taylor said gently.

"No, I needed the time. I had to figure out what I'm going to tell James and Cooper," Seth replied, running his hands through his hair. That was the last thing he wanted to do but he knew he had to.

"Why don't you wait until morning when they wake up?"

Seth shook his head. "I can't do that to them. I have to tell them now."

Ryan and Taylor didn't say anything more to him. Seth didn't move from the spot he had taken on the couch.

"Do you want me to go and wake them up?" Taylor offered, realizing how hard this was going to be for everyone, especially James and Cooper. Maybe there was something she could do to ease their pain, to possibly shield them from the hurt they were about to experience. They were still so young.

"Just a few more minutes. I want them to have just a few more minutes with the thought that she's alive."

The few minutes turned into an hour. Despite Seth knowing that he had to tell them, he just couldn't bring himself to them. When he was finally ready to go to James and Cooper, he heard footsteps approaching them.

The three pairs of tired eyes turned to look at James who had entered the room. He seemed somewhat surprised to see his dad sitting there.

"Dad?" his voice was timid. He locked eyes with Seth and he knew. He knew his mother was dead. He was just waiting for his father to tell him that she was okay.

When this reassurance did not come, he broke down in tears. He walked over to his father and settled into his lap, something he had not done in years. Seth held his son in his arms, tears coming out of his eyes too.

"It's my fault," James sobbed.

Seth looked at his son's tear stained face. "What are you talking about?"

"The car crashed 'cause of me. I-I asked Mom to change the radio and she wasn't look'ng and then the truck crashed into us. She wasn't paying attention. It's all my fault!"

Seth couldn't respond to him. He knew it wasn't James's fault at all but just hearing him say this was tearing Seth apart. He couldn't handle being there anymore. He needed to get out.

Luckily Taylor realized that Seth wanted to get out and pulled James over to her. Wordlessly, Seth got up and left the house. James looked at his aunt, a fresh batch of tears coming out of his eyes.

"He's mad. I killed Mom!"

"James, you did not. Don't even think that. It wasn't your fault. The truck hit you guys when he ran a red light. No one blames you."

"Dad does," James said quietly.

"No he doesn't."

"Then why did he leave?"

Taylor paused, unable to answer this right away. "He..."

"It's just really hard on him kiddo," Ryan stepped in.

James nodded, though he didn't understand completely about his dad. In the back of his mind, he was convinced that his dad blamed him for his mom's death.

"C'mon, let's get you back to bed," Taylor said. "We'll talk more in the morning when your dad comes back."

James followed Taylor up to the guest room. She tucked him back into his bed, then left the room, finding Ryan standing there.

"Should we tell Cooper?" he asked, gesturing towards the door that held their son Micah's room, where Cooper was sleeping for the night.

Taylor thought for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow. I think telling Cooper is going to be harder. A lot harder. And maybe Seth wants to tell him himself."

Ryan nodded in agreement. Taylor leaned against him, just letting herself rest against him.

"I just want this terrible day to be over."

* * *

The morning came and Seth didn't. Ryan and Taylor weren't sure what to do about Cooper. Finally, they decided that they had no choice but to tell him. 

"Are you sure we should tell him?" Ryan asked quietly as they approached the door.

"Yea. He's going to ask questions. We have to tell him," Taylor replied. She opened the door quietly as she didn't want to wake Cooper up just yet. Much to her surprise, he was already up, next to Micah's crib, looking through the bars.

"Hey Coop," she said, walking over to him.

"Shh, you gots to be quiet," he replied, "'else he'll wake up. Mommy told me that I gots to use my indoor voice."

"Yea you do," Taylor said. Her heart was breaking at the actions of Cooper. How was she supposed to tell him that his mom was dead?

"Mommy said we're gonna get one too. Her and Daddy want a girl, but I think girls are yucky. 'Cept for you and Mommy."

"We have to talk about your Mommy, Cooper," Taylor said, leading him to the bed.

"Is she home? She missed last night. It was movie night. Is she home for it?"

Taylor blinked her eyes to hold back the tears. This was going to be the hardest thing she was ever going to have to do. How was she supposed to tell this to a five year old who didn't really understand the concept of death?

"Is she Aunt Taylor?" he asked again, his brown eyes wide and eager.

"No Cooper. Your mom's gone away."

Cooper frowned. "Why didn't she take me?"

"She couldn't."

"When is she coming back?"

Taylor bit her lip."She's not going to come back. I'm sorry honey. She was so hurt yesterday, she had to go away."

"Can't they make her better? They're suppose to fix hurted people."

Taylor took a deep breath. "They couldn't fix her. She wanted you to know how much she loved you before she went away. She gave you a new baby sister before she left."

"No! I don't want a sister! I want my mommy! Get rid of my sister and bring Mommy back!" Cooper screamed.

Taylor tried to move towards him, tried to comfort him. He kicked her away, not wanting her near him.

"I want my mommy! Bring her back! Bring her back!"

Taylor finally got him to let her near him and held him in her arms. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be all right, but couldn't bring herself to tell him lies. For now, all she could do was comfort him and hope it was enough.

* * *

Seth sat in a dark corner in the nearly empty bar. He had been sitting there for hours, since he had left Ryan and Taylor's. he had stumbled upon this bar on his walk and had somehow found himself in the corner. 

At that moment he wasn't drinking anything. He didn't drink much anymore and if he did, it was usually at a party. Ever since James was born the time he had spent drinking was less and less. Summer had especially not wanted him to drink too much anyways, always worrying about him ending up being an alcoholic, considering his mom. That and the more recent fact that she had been pregnant and had told him he couldn't drink while she couldn't.

He stared at the bottle in front of him. Summer wasn't there to tell him not to drink, wasn't there to tell him how much to drink, she wasn't there at all.

He poured some into the glass in front of him. He didn't care anymore. At that moment, he didn't care that he had left his two kids at Ryan and Taylor's, that he had a newborn baby clinging to life at the hospital, that he had so many calls to make. Summer was gone.

As he lifted the glass to his lips, he realized he just didn't care at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize I don't own.

A/N-First, in case anyone missed it, I did change my pen name from QuEEnSeRb716 to Faulty Cameras. I'm also sorry that this chapter took so long to update, but here it is and I think it might be the longest chapter yet. It is also the second last chapter. I'm going to try to have the last chapter up sometime soon, hopefully within the next week. Anyways...thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter and thanks to Meg for her awesome editing skills.

* * *

He pulled out the black pants. 

The clean, neatly pressed white shirt.

The impeccable looking suit jacket.

The tie that she had loved.

He looked at the suit in front of him. The suit that he had worn only once, at the Nana's funeral a year before. He had vowed he was never going to wear it again and had tried more than once to give it away. Summer always stopped him, saying that he may need it again.

He wished more than anything that she had been wrong.

He slowly pulled the suit on. He was moving in slow motion it seemed. Not that he had been doing much more than sitting in his-their-bedroom, wallowing in bottles of alcohol. He had not seen the sunlight in three days.

He was entirely okay with that. He didn't want to do anything at that moment or ever again really.

He looked up at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, due to the fact that he had barely slept. His normally clean-shaven face had stubble growing.

Summer had hated that. She had always made him shave, telling him she wouldn't kiss him until it was gone. She had been serious too.

He didn't have to worry about that anymore.

He looked once more at the suit he was wearing and thought about the place that he was going to be wearing it at. He couldn't go. He couldn't go to her funeral. It wasn't right. He shouldn't be going to her funeral, not now. He should be going when they were older, way older. Maybe if he didn't go, then she wouldn't really be gone.

Loosening the tie, he grabbed the half empty bottle and went back into his bedroom.

* * *

Ryan had told him that it was bad. Sandy didn't want to believe him though. He knew that his son was not in good shape at all-none of them were.

He knew it was worse than he had thought when Seth did not show up for the funeral. He knew it was even worse when Taylor told him that his granddaughter was still in the hospital and her living parent had yet to go and see her, wanting nothing to do with her.

When he entered his son's house though, he realized that it was even more horrible.

The house that Summer had kept so well was a mess on the inside. The kitchen was in disarray, wrappers, bottles, and food everywhere. The living room was a complete mess, nicely hung pictures taken down, the frames broken on the ground. It was not what Sandy had expected to see. Sure, he knew that Seth was in a bad place right now, Ryan had well informed him that he had not left the house in several days, but he couldn't believe it was this bad.

He continued up the stairs to the bedroom, where he figured Seth was, and was slightly worried for what he was about to find. He opened the door slowly to see the lights off and the shades pulled down as to let no light in, the only light coming from the TV, that had the volume up all the way. Seth was sitting on the bed, a bottle of vodka in one hand, a bottle of pills in the other.

"Seth! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

When he looked up at his father, Sandy saw his teenaged son again, looking how he did when he would come home from school. He was vulnerable, frightened, hurt, sad. This time though it was not because of the kids being cruel to him. It was because he lost his love.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" Seth blinked a few times at the sudden light that was entering the dark room.

"Apparently I'm saving your life," Sandy couldn't help but feel his blood boil at what his son was contemplating. He loved Seth and he knew that he was hurting more than anyone could imagine but this was not the way. Ryan had been right, he was in bad condition. Sandy needed to bring him back. He wasn't sure if anyone else was going to be able to do so. "Do you understand what you were about to do? Were you seriously thinking of killing yourself? Of leaving James, Cooper, and your daughter alone, with no one?"

"You don't understand." Seth swung the bottle back in forth in his hand, trying to distract himself. He wanted his dad to leave. He didn't want him here.

"Like hell I don't. Summer wasn't just important to you. You aren't the only one who is completely devastated by her death. What about Taylor, her best friend? What about her father? What about her kids, your kids? You were thinking of hurting all of these people even more than they already are. You were going to take your life away, leaving your kids with no one. As if losing their mother wasn't enough."

"Dad. It hurts. So much. I feel like nothing is ever going to be right again. As if I have nothing. As if I am nothing."

"You could not be more off. You have your kids, two of who are looking for you, wondering where their father is. You are their father. The only thing they have right now. You were thinking of no one else. What about your mother? Your sister? Me? Were you thinking about anyone else?" Sandy sat down on the bed. "Look, son, I know and I understand that you're hurting. I know you're in pain, that the world is dark to you. Right now, though, the drinking isn't helping you. It isn't helping any of us. It's hurting. You need to stick with your kids, with your friends, with your family."

Seth looked at his dad. He knew he was right. He knew he should leave the room, but it was so hard.

"Dad, I just don't know if I can. If I can go on without her next to me, without her help."

Sandy put his hand on his son's shoulder. "I know. We're going to be in here to help you. I know that it won't be the same but we need to try. You need to keep on living. It's what Summer would have wanted."

Seth didn't immediately agree. He wouldn't agree with this statement for several more years. He knew though, that his dad was right. He knew that he had to live for his kids. That's what Summer wanted. She didn't want them to have to stay at their family's homes as their own father was incapable. They needed him.

Seth didn't say anything but Sandy knew what he was thinking. He took the bottles out of his hands. "Tell you what. Go and hop in the shower. I'll clean up a bit and make some coffee. Then there's some places you need to go."

* * *

Seth had been reluctant to leave the house at first. Sandy almost had to push him out. Finally they got to the car and started to drive. They went to Ryan and Taylor's house first. He admitted that this was a good idea. He needed to talk to James. And Cooper. And Ryan. And Taylor. Basically everyone who was in the house at the moment.

Sandy opened the door up, Seth half hiding behind him. He wasn't exactly sure that he wanted to see them all right away.

He went inside the brightly lit room, where everyone was, almost like they knew that he was coming over. He wouldn't doubt that Sandy probably made a call to them to announce that he was coming over.

Ryan and Taylor were sitting on the large chair, Micah in Ryan's arms, Cooper sitting at Taylor's feet, playing with some action figures. James was sitting quietly on the couch, reading a book, Kirsten sitting next to him with 14 year old Sophie next to her. They all looked up when Seth came into the room but no one moved.

"Hey," Seth gave a small wave to everyone, then shoved his hands into his pants pocket. He felt awkward. He knew he shouldn't but he did.

Kirsten was the first one to come over to him. She enveloped him in a large hug. Seth might have been 33 years old and he may have denied hugging his mom as a teenager, but it made him feel safe for a moment.

In turn everyone came over to him and hugged him. Well except for Ryan, he gave him a manly pat on the back. Sophie clung to him the longest and when she finally pulled away, his shirt had a large wet stain on it from where her tears hit it. He didn't think about her in this whole ordeal. She had adored Summer, she had been like an older sister to Sophie. Taylor was like that too, but Summer was the older sister who gave the boy and makeup advice. He hadn't thought about her, something he was now regretting.

Finally he noticed that James and Cooper had not come over to him. He didn't really blame them either, he had been a rather absentee father in the past week. The two brothers were now next to one another, just staring at their father.

Seth walked over to his sons and kneeled down in front of them. "Hey guys."

He had wanted to say more but Cooper jumped into his father's arms. James hung back for a few minutes, no doubt thinking of what he had told Seth the week before, but soon he joined in on the hug. It was a rather emotional moment for the three and everyone else in the room.

Seth realized that he had to talk to the two of them. He pulled them away from his body. "I need to talk to you two."

"We'll just go into the kitchen. I need to check on dinner anyways," Taylor said. "And I could use all of your help."

The group followed her into the kitchen, leaving Seth alone with James and Cooper. He took a deep breath before starting to talk.

"Okay, I know that I've been gone for the past week. What happened with your mom was really hard for me. It still is really hard for me. And I feel bad that I haven't been there with you two because I know that you've needed me. I'm here now though, so don't worry. We're a family now, you two, your new sister, and me. We have to work together. Okay?"

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Cooper burst into tears. Seth was completely taken aback by this outburst of sobs.

"Cooper what's wrong?"

"I-I thought you were gone! Like Mommy! Aunt Taylor told me that Mommy left and wasn't coming back and then you were go-gone."

Cooper continued sobbing and Seth grabbed his son. He had never felt worse than he did in this moment. He couldn't believe that he had lead his son to thinking that. God, he felt terrible for evening instilling these thoughts him.

"Coop, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I promise you that I will not leave you again."

"Pi-pinky promise?"Cooper sniffled.

"Pinky promise," Seth agreed, holding out his pinky.

Seth then looked at James, who had his head hanging down. He knew that he was thinking about him being blamed for his mother's death. Seth had not really let him know that he didn't blame him the week before. He, if he remembered correctly, considering things were a bit hazy, had just left the house. He was sure Ryan and Taylor had tried to explain it, but knowing James, it probably didn't make a difference.

"James, I'm sorry about last week. I didn't blame you then and I don't blame you now. It was stupid of me to leave you. It just became too much for me, everything. That whole day was terrible. I know it was not your fault. At all. So if I ever made you doubt that I think that, stop thinking that."

James nodded his head in agreement. He knew that his father meant this. He had basically been told the same thing from Ryan and Taylor, but hearing it from his father meant so much more.

Taylor came into the room. "If you want to eat, dinner is ready."

Seth nodded his head, realizing for the first time that he was hungry. Eating little the past week had finally caught up with him. "Let's go eat."

He knew that there was another place he needed to go. For the moment, it could wait until after dinner. He wanted to be with his family for a little while. He had missed the comfort and safety of being with them. Despite the fact that he was still feeling an emptiness of not having Summer, it dulled just a little by being with them. For now at least. He knew later it would be back full force but for the short amount of time, he would let it be dulled.

* * *

Dinner had been a quiet affair but it was nice and relaxing. Seth then realized that he needed to go to another place. To the hospital. The last place he really wanted to be at but they needed to go there.

Everyone decided to go with him and Sandy. Into Sandy's car, they piled Sophie, Kirsten, Seth, and Cooper. Ryan, Taylor, James, and baby Micah went in their car.

The car ride for Seth was silent. The music was playing softly in the background and Kirsten said something once or twice, but mostly it was silent. They realized that this was going to be a difficult trip for him. He was going back to the last place that his wife had been alive.

On the upside, he was going to see his week old baby daughter. When he thought that this was the first time he was going to see her, he hated himself.

He pushed this thought from his mind as Sandy pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Seth followed everyone inside, looking down at the floor. All the way, he followed everyone by doing this. He didn't want to see anyone or anything familiar.

"Seth," Taylor stopped him. He hadn't realized that he was now just following Taylor, that everyone else had disappeared from sight.

"Where did everyone go?" he questioned, confused at this sudden development.

"They all went off around the hospital. I sent them. I don't know, I thought this might be something that you just wanted to do alone? I can go find them if you want."

"No. That's fine," he paused. "Are you going to come with me?"

Taylor nodded. "If that's what you want."

Seth agreed to this. They started to walk again, this time Taylor filling the empty silence.

"I hope you don't mind but I've been coming by everyday before work to see her. I thought that if you," she stopped, as if though she had to choose her next words carefully, "couldn't come see her, then someone should. I explained everything to the nurses there, who are taking care of her. They're a really nice bunch."

Seth just nodded. He was thankful for Taylor at that moment. He was glad that she had gone to see his daughter, at least someone was doing that.

They found themselves at the maternity ward. Taylor lead him over to see through the glass, to see his daughter. He was waiting for Taylor to say something, to point her out among the small newborns, when he looked over at her she was frowning.

"What's wrong?" Seth asked, immediately sensing something bad.

"She-she's not here. Where did she go? I was just here this morning and she was right there, right over there," Taylor stated.

Seth felt his heart starting to pound harder. No. This couldn't be happening. Where was she? Was she okay? She had to be, he could not handle something like this happening. Not again. He couldn't go through this again.

A nurse came out to them. "Taylor?"

"Hey, Melinda, where is she?" she couldn't help it when her voice cracked. She was nervous and she could tell that Seth had almost stopped breathing and that he was visibly next to her.

Melinda smiled. "We moved her after you left. She's doing great."

Seth let out his breath. She was okay. God. He never wanted that to happen to him again. He could tell that Taylor was feeling the same way as she breathed a large sigh of relief. They exchanged a tight smile as they followed Melinda to the a separate room close to the other. There were a lot of babies in there, obviously, though it was different than how Seth remembered with James and Cooper. All of this babies were small, some of them hooked up to machines. Nervous parents were crowded around the glass, many in tears. He just couldn't decide if this was a good room for his daughter to be in or not. Sure, the nurse, Melinda, told them that she was okay, but what if she had noticed their apprehension and had just lied to them? Could nurses lie like that to them.

"Is she all right?" Seth blurted out.

"Yes, she is. She's doing great, better than a lot of the other babies here. We just had a bit of a baby boom and had to move her back here for the day. She'll be back in the other room soon." She focused her gaze on Seth for a minute.

"Oh, Melinda. This is Seth Cohen, her father."

Melinda smiled, but he noticed the sympathy in the smile. "Ah. Well, your daughter, who we've just been referring to as Cohen, is beautiful. One of the prettiest babies we have here."

Seth felt a sharp pain in his chest. They were calling her Cohen. He knew that it was a logical thing to be called, considering she was nameless and 'baby' and 'she' really didn't cut it, but it still hurt to hear that being said as a name and it not being from Summer. Especially considering he knew that he was not going to be called that again. He realized that Melinda was talking to him. He just caught the tail end of what she was saying though. "...Do you want to go hold her?"

Seth nodded his head. He had waited long enough, for him to go and see her. Now he was anxious to get inside, to see her up close for the first time. Taylor followed behind him as he followed Melinda into the room. She lead him over to where his daughter was laying. She was tiny, smaller than James and Cooper, smaller than any baby he had ever seen. She was awake, her eyes wide and alert at what was going on around her.

He was officially in love.

She really was the most beautiful baby. She was all Summer. That much he could tell right away. He thought that this might have hurt him. It was the opposite. He found himself being thankful for this. A part of Summer was able to live on.

Melinda lifted her up, placing her gently in Seth's arms. She stared up at her father, her eyes still wide, taking in the new person it seemed. He stared right back at his beautiful daughter.

They just stayed like this for a few minutes. Taylor and Melinda watched for a few minutes, before they decided that they had a good reason to interrupt the father-daughter bonding moment.

"Seth," Taylor placed her hand on his shoulder.

Melinda jumped in. "We were wondering if you have a name picked out for her, unless you really want to continue calling her Cohen."

"No," Seth said sharply.

He had to admit, he hadn't really thought about a name. Sure, he and Summer had talked about it, but they thought they still had almost two months to think about this. They touched on it and Summer had a list, but Seth really didn't know. He had left the naming up to Summer or more she had left it up to herself. After Seth had suggested naming James after an action hero, she had taken it upon herself to name him and Cooper. He was asked his input a few times but nothing was ever considered of what he said. There had been a few nights when they had really discussed it. He tried to think of them.

He did remember one night, Summer saying something about a name she really liked. What was the name? It was something that she had loved and had put into the 'definitely a possibility' list. He just wished he would have paid more attention to that list instead of the 'no way' list. Those names did amuse him more though.

The name came to him after a few minutes of thinking. Grace. That was the name she had loved. He looked down at his daughter and knew Grace was a good idea. But┘there was something missing. There was something more.

"Seth?" Taylor interrupted his thoughts. "I hate to ask, but was there anything that Summer wanted?"

Summer. That was it. He looked over at Taylor, a smile lighting up his face. He had the best idea. It was a way for him to remember Summer, for her to never be forgotten.

"Summer Grace Cohen. That's what I want to name her. It's the perfect name for her."

Taylor gave him a sad smile. "I think that's the perfect name."

Seth looked down at his daughter, Summer's daughter, their daughter. Summer was never going to be forgotten by his daughter. He wouldn't let her and her name wouldn't. He was going to be sure to tell her stories about the woman she had received her name from, the woman that was her mother. He would tell her stories forever, always telling her of their last goodbye. He would never forgot.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

A/N-This is officially the fastest I have ever updated something. So this is the last chapter of this story. Thanks to everyone who read this and especially to those who reviewed, I really appreciate that. Special thanks to Meg for editing every single chapter for me. Also, I was thinking about possibly doing a kind of companion to this, about Seth's life with his kids without Summer, so look for something like that in the future.

* * *

_4 years later_

Seth stood awkwardly, shoving his hands deep down into his pockets. He was standing in the middle of a group of Newport mothers, catching up on the latest gossip, despite the fact that they had seen each other several hours before.

God he hated Fridays.

The woman always gave him sympathetic glances as he stood by himself waiting for his daughter and nephew to come out of the pre-school. He was really sick and tired of it. He had been picking them up for practically every Friday for the whole year, plus Tuesdays, and Wednesdays every other week.

The mass of screaming children exited the building, running towards their mothers, eager to show off what they did that day. He searched for the two children he was responsible for but didn't see them immediately.

At the tail end of the group was his daughter and nephew, being escorted by the teacher. He sighed. He shouldn't really be too surprised by this, it had happened so many times before. It always had to happen on a day when he picked them up. Never Taylor. She got it easy.

The teacher approached him, the two children next to her, looking down at the ground. "They told me that you are responsible for them."

"What did they do now?" he questioned, giving them a stern look, though he didn't mean anything by. Hell, he would probably end up treating them to ice cream before they went home.

"There were a few problems. I would like you to come into the office to discuss it further, if you don't mind."

Seth sighed. He really didn't have the time. James and Cooper were waiting for him in the car, and he had to go home and get dinner started. Of course, no was not an answer, as the teacher turned and started walking towards the building.

The mischievous two sent Seth a glance back as they followed their teacher inside. He totally agreed with that look, the look of fear. This teacher was pretty scary. She was new to Seth, considering the normal teacher was on maternity leave. He liked her. She never made them come back into the school and talk about what the two had done. And they had done a lot during the year.

Finally they came to the classroom and she lead them to a small office connected to it. He was seriously wondering why they had given a preschool teacher an office, one of the many questions he had about the ridiculously expensive school he was sending his daughter to.

Seth sat down in one of the chairs, the kids on either side of him. The teacher sat in front of him and folded her hands neatly on the desk. She stared directly at Seth, as if he was the one in trouble.

She glanced down at the file on her desk. Apparently it held information on his daughter. He didn't even know that they gave 4 year olds files. School really was way more competitive way sooner nowadays. "Mr. Cohen, just in case you did not know, I am Mrs. Benson, filling in for Mrs. White as she is on maternity leave. This was my first official day with the children and I have to say I was absolutely appalled at the behavior of these two, especially your daughter."

Well, that was really nothing new. They had been getting that since the first week of school. Well, his daughter more than his nephew. He just went along with her crazy schemes most of the time. It was a problem that they realized they were never going to be able to curtail.

"Now I understand that Micah Atwood is your nephew. Is his mother or father coming?"

"No, not today. It's my day to pick them up. Don't worry, I'll relay all the information over to them."

"You don't have to worry about that. He didn't do much. It's Summer I'm more worried about."

"It's Grace."

Seth looked down at his daughter, trying to reprimand her for her attitude but it was impossible. She was just┘Grace.

Mrs. Benson also looked down at her, though her look was stern. "That is one problem. Her attitude is atrocious. I have never met a four year old who talked back as much as her."

"She kept gettin' my name wrong!" Grace exclaimed.

"That is not the matter at hand. The largest issue is the fact that she wreaked havoc on the classroom today."

"Well, see Mrs. Benson, I know that you're new and all but that's just how Grace is. I have tried time and time again to stop her, but well nothing works." Considering she had him wrapped around her finger, nothing was ever going to work. He just couldn't say no to her. He found it physically impossible.

"You obviously have not tried hard enough. Today, she let the class hamster out. It took an hour and a half to find him."

"Ralph wanted to be free!" Grace exclaimed. "And I wanted a pet. I didn't 'pect him to run away."

"Grace," Seth attempted to scold her but it just didn't work. It just came out in a kind of mocking way almost.

"Then, on top of doing that, she lost her recess privilege and still went outside to play with the children."

"I don't know what that means Daddy," Grace whispered quietly to him, giving him a large grin.

"And at lunch, she refused to eat the sandwich that was given to her, since she did not bring her own lunch."

Oops. That was his fault. He knew he had forgotten something that morning. "See, that was my fault. She only eats one kind of sandwich, and that's peanut butter, the crunchy kind."

"We offered her that and she refused to take it."

"It had jelly," Grace said in a singsong voice. "Daddy just said I don't eat that."

Mrs. Benson just stared at the girl, clearly appalled at her behavior. "This is the attitude I am talking about. Summer needs to change her behavior and her attitude and treatment of teachers."

"It's Grace." Both Grace and Seth said this at the same time. They exchanged a small grin.

"I don't understand why you keep telling me that her name is Grace when it clearly says here that it is Summer," Mrs. Benson sighed. "I can see where she gets this all from. Is there any chance I could talk to her mother about this all instead, considering I am getting no where with you?"

Seth felt his heart stop. He figured that Mrs. White would have explained to her about everything. He thought that would be taken care of. Apparently not, he was going to have to do the explaining. "Grace, Micah, do you think you could go wait outside for a minute while I talk with your teacher?"

Grace gave him her puppy dog eyes, what she did whenever she was being kicked out of the room. She was curious and wanted to know everything. Usually the eyes worked on her father, not today though.

"Go now Grace."

As soon as the two had left the room, Seth turned back to Mrs. Benson. "Okay obviously because no one has explained anything to you about my family, Grace's mother, Summer, is dead. She died four years ago, the day Grace was born, after being in a car accident. This is why she was named Summer Grace Cohen, but we call her Grace. For a while, it was Summer...but it was just too hard. So we call her Grace. I am sorry if this causes a huge problem for you.

"And I'm sorry about her attitude and behavior and whatever. It is true I probably could try harder to discipline her, but I find it difficult. She is the spitting image of my wife and I find it hard to not give into her because of this and the fact that her brothers and I are the only two she has. She doesn't have a mother figure, the closest thing that comes to that is her aunt. I have to be a mother and a father to all three of my kids and that's difficult. I am sorry for what she did today, I will talk to her and I will tell Micah's parents about whatever he did. Now, I have to go, I have to take care of my kids."

Seth didn't give Mrs. Benson the chance to respond, he just got up and left the office. Grace looked up at her father, her eyes large.

"What were you talking 'bout Daddy?"

"Nothing Grace. C'mon let's go home."

Grace and Micah followed him out to the car, where James and Cooper were waiting patiently.

"What did you do now Munchkin?" James questioned his little sister as she climbed into the car.

"Set Ralph free and wouldn't eat the yucky food they gave me," Grace responded with a shrug of her shoulders.

"So it was a normal day then?"

Grace nodded eagerly, her hair bouncing up and down as she did so. She then turned her attention to her father. "Daddy can we get ice cream? Please?"

"You don't deserve ice cream, Grace," he replied. He was annoyed now. He couldn't help it, Mrs. Benson had really set him off.

"Puh-lease Daddy. I'll die if I don't have chocolate ice cream!" Grace said this to be dramatic, not realizing the effect those words had on her father.

James and Cooper realized it immediately as the car fell silent. Words like that were always a hesitated thing to say around Seth. Grace didn't know any better, only being four. She didn't even know about death, considering Seth had yet to mention their mother to her.

"Not today Grace," Seth said this, his teeth clenched tightly. He was trying to not be angry with his daughter. She didn't know any better, she didn't realize what she was saying.

Grace feel silent, her arms folded across her chest. She wasn't used to this whole not getting what she wanted. She most definitely didn't like it. She knew though, in her four year old mind, that it was something that she had said. It didn't matter to her as much as the fact that she was not going to get her ice cream cone. They always got ice cream before they went home on Fridays, even when she did something bad, which was most days. This was not fair.

Seth ran his hands through his hair before he started to drive. He could see Grace glaring at him and he hated to see her angry with him. He sighed. This was becoming harder and harder as she got older.

He knew that he would need to explain to her about her mother soon. He just wanted to hold it off for a little longer. He innocent questions about why everyone else had mommies and she didn't had stopped a year before, after some lame excuse about a stork that he couldn't even remember. He had been too afraid to tell her, too afraid of hurting her.

He was hoping that she would forget about what Mrs. Benson mentioned and why he rushed her out of the room. He could only hope so he would be able to hold off his explanation a little longer.

* * *

Seth sat at the kitchen table, doing 20 things at once. He was trying to cook dinner, working on paper work, trying to keep Grace from destroying the house on another one of her rampages, and attempting to give James advice about a girl he liked. This was not a fun night.

"Dad?" James questioned.

"What James?" Seth asked as Grace darted through the kitchen. She was the devil tonight, and he knew it was because he had said no to the ice cream and no to telling her what he had talked about with Mrs. Benson.

"Should I ask her out?"

"Um...sure," Seth replied. He felt slightly guilty as he had not been paying too much attention to his son, but he figured he would talk to him more about it later, when he had more time.

Grace ran away from the kitchen, crayon in hand, drawing a large line across the room, giggling as she did so. Seth scowled as was about to chase after her when the door opened and Taylor walked inside.

"Hey Seth, James," she greeted, smiling cheerfully.

Sometimes Seth wished his life could be as easy as Ryan and Taylor's. They only had Micah, deciding he was more than enough, and he was fairly good child, except for when he went along with Grace's schemes. He didn't talk much, taking after his father in that department. Plus there was two of them, instead of just one.

"How's everything going?" Taylor looked at Seth and that basically answered her question. 'Not so good I'm guessing by the look on your face."

"I'm going to go play Playstation with Coop," James stated, getting out of the room, allowing his dad to talk freely with his aunt.

"It was a good day until I picked up Grace and Micah."

"What did they do now?" Taylor took a seat opposite him.

"Well, it was mainly Grace. The usual, Ralph was set free again, she disobeyed the teacher, refused to eat lunch, and of course talked back to the teacher. It was the new teacher's first day and she didn't understand that we call Grace Grace, instead of Summer. And then she made me go into the office and talk to her about my child's behavior, and kind of Micah's, even though I know it was all Grace and he was just assisting her. Then she asked about Grace's mom..."

"Oh Seth," Taylor reached out, putting a reassuring hand on his arm.

"I snapped at her about everything, sending Grace and Micah out of the room. Of course, Grace heard the original question and now she wants to know what I was talking about. Then she wanted to go for ice cream and for once, I actually said no to her."

"That's a start."

"Yea, except look what she did to my wall," Seth said, pointing out the large red line. "I'm pretty sure it's all over the house."

"Well, you need to redecorate anyways. And you know what else you need to do?"

"No." Seth knew exactly what she was saying and it was exactly what he didn't want to do.

"You have to Seth. She's four and I know you think you got rid of all of her questions, but they're going to keep coming back. She's Grace, she can only keep these things away for so long. I think she's ready anyways."

"I don't think I'm ready Taylor," Seth replied honestly. "That day, it's still fresh in my mind, like it just happened. I don't like talking about it. Not only that, I don't want her to know about how I wanted nothing to do with her for the first week of her life."

"You don't have to tell her. Just tell her about the wonderful woman that was her mother."

Seth sighed, knowing that Taylor was right. He was going to have to talk to Grace, going to have to tell her what had happened the day she was born.

* * *

Meanwhile, Grace had abandoned her rampage of drawing lines on the wall and had gone upstairs to her father's room. She was thinking about how he had kicked her out of the room earlier when he had been asked something about her mom. She wanted to know more. She figured that he would have something in his room, something to show her what she was missing.

She looked around the room that was pretty bare, nothing except for a dresser, a bed, and a few pictures of her brothers and her. She then spotted something under the bed, just peeking out slightly. She grinned and walked over.

She pulled a large box out, a box that was almost as big as her. She took the lid off and there were a bunch of items inside, including pictures and other little odds and ends.

She picked up the picture that was on top. It had her dad, James, and Cooper there, though they were both younger. There was someone else. It was a woman, a smiling woman who looked incredibly happy. Grace had never seen this woman before.

She continued picking up pictures and saw this woman in many pictures. A lot were with her dad and her brothers, but there were some that were just her or her and Seth. Everyone looked so happy, Grace noted this. Then she abandoned these pictures to look and the little things that were in the box. There was a shirt, some jewelry, and some other little things that Grace didn't care to look at. She was captured by a necklace that held the letter 'S' on it. She thought it was a pretty necklace, the prettiest she had ever seen.

She just wished she knew who it belonged to.

* * *

Taylor left after telling Seth to talk to Grace, taking Micah with her. He sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes thinking about what he was going to say.

That was when he realized that it was quiet in the house. Quiet was not a word used often when Grace was around, unless she was sleeping or up to something. He was betting it was the latter.

He walked into the living room where James and Cooper were playing Playstation. "Guys have you seen your sister."

"I think she went upstairs a few minutes ago."

Seth knew that damage could already be done. He wondered if she had abandoned the crayon for something more damaging, like paint or something. Oh that would not be good.

"She didn't have paint or anything right?"

"Don't know," James replied, not taking his eyes off the game.

Seth realized they were absolutely no help and went upstairs. She dropped the crayon somewhere along this and nothing else was on the walls so he assumed that this was a good thing. He checked her bedroom first, which was empty, as was James and Cooper's rooms. The bathroom had no one, so the only room left was his. He walked inside and was surprised by where she was and what she was doing.

She was sitting on the floor, the box that he had kept hidden under his bed for 4 years in front of her. His Summer box. There were pictures surrounding her and she was holding something in her hands.

His heart jumped when he realized she was holding the 'S' necklace he had given Summer for their first anniversary. She had loved it, never taking it off, except for the last day she had been alive. The chain had broken and he had been intending on getting a new one for her.

He saw the confused look on Grace's face and he understood. He knew now that she had found these things that he had no choice but to tell her about Summer.

"Grace," he said, entering the room.

She turned and looked at him, thinking she was in trouble. "I'm sorry Daddy. I found it and wanted to see."

Seth shook his head at her. "Don't be sorry for anything. I think I have some explaining to do to you Munchkin." Munchkin had been her nickname since she was little, since she had always been smaller than kids her age.

He took a seat next to her, lifting her into his lap. "Do you remember what I told you last year, when you asked why you didn't have a mommy?"

"You said that the stork picked you 'cause you were such a great guy even though there was no mommy," Grace repeated automatically. She had run this over in her head a lot, thinking it over and over.

"Well, I might have lied to you."

"Daddy! You aren't 'pose to lie. That's what you tell me."

"This was to make sure you weren't hurt and I wasn't hurt either."

Grace turned and looked at her father, taking her focus off of the picture. "I don't want you hurt."

"Me either. Anyways, you had a mom. She...she had to leave," Seth sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, explaining this. He was using what Taylor had used to tell Cooper four years ago.

"Whadda you mean she had to leave?" Grace got excited a little. "Is she coming back?"

Seth shook his head."No, she can't come back." He had to have some sort of honesty with her, he couldn't lie completely, which is why he was motivated to say what he did next. "She isn't living anymore."

"Oh."

"But that doesn't mean that she doesn't know who you are. I'm sure she's been watching you all these years, finding out what a good girl you are"

"Is this my mommy?" Grace questioned innocently, holding the picture out that she had picked up.

Seth hadn't looked at these pictures in a few months. He did often, just because he missed seeing her everyday, but he had been busy lately. God, he still missed her so much, these pictures bringing it back even more than when he was just thinking about her. "Yea, that's her."

"She was pretty."

"You look just like her."

"Really?" Grace turned her head sideways to look at the picture. She shrugged. "I guess. What was her name?"

"It was Summer."

Grace looked at her father again. "That's my name."

"Yea, it is. I named you after her."

"Why don't you call me Summer Daddy?" Grace asked. She had always known that her first name was not Grace but Summer, though she had never questioned it. She just didn't bother, it was how it had been her whole life.

"We called you Summer for a while. Then it was too hard. It made your brothers and me sad to think about Mommy. So we decided that we could just call you Grace."

"Oh." Grace picked up the necklace that she had discarded earlier. "Was this hers?"

Seth nodded his head. "I bought it for her" An idea came to his head, he wasn't sure if it was the greatest idea he had ever had, but he knew that it would mean something to Grace. "Do you want it?" He couldn't believe he was about to give his four year old daughter the expensive necklace, but in a way, it felt right. She should be able to have a part of her mother.

Grace nodded her head excitedly.

"Okay, well if I give it to you, you have to promise me that you will be very very careful with it. Super careful."

"Like how I am with Ralph?"

"A little more careful then you are with Ralph," Seth laughed. He took the necklace in his hands, tracing his fingers over the 'S'.

The room was silent for a few minutes as Seth reflected on all his thought of Summer of the past four years, of Grace, of his sons. He felt somewhat better knowing that Grace now knew, but there was something missing. He knew he had something else he had to do. He had to do it soon.

"Daddy?" Grace interrupted his thoughts.

"Yea Munchkin?"

"Can you tell me about Mommy?"

Seth smiled at her. "Of course." He then began sharing the stories he had of Summer, trying to let her daughter be able to finally know her.

* * *

Seth tossed and turned into his bed that night. He finally got up realizing that he was never going to go to sleep, that he had somewhere he had to go.

He pulled on his sweatpants and a sweatshirt over his t-shirt. Before he left he went into each of his children's rooms, starting with James.

"James," Seth whispered, giving his son a shake.

"What? What's wrong?" James shot up in his bed, his eyes still shut. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just going somewhere for a little while. Just in case Grace or Cooper wakes up and I'm not there."

"Mhmm," James had already laid back down as soon as he found out that nothing was wrong.

He left the room, thinking about how much James had grown up in the past four years. His age may have been fourteen, but he acted way older. He was responsible, more responsible than Seth could have ever hoped. He definitely had a good head on his shoulders, causing Seth to worry less about him.

He walked over into the next room, Cooper's bedroom. His middle child was sleeping soundly, sprawled across the bed, tangled in the covers, his curly hair sticking up. Seth smiled. He was the one who was most similar to Seth himself, having an early interest in comics and Playstation. He was a lot like his brother in the fact that he was more grown up than most nine year olds, but he was still goofy at times. Seth loved that his son had managed to not completely lose all sense of his childhood because of what happened to him early on. Seth still worried about him sometimes though, being able to tell when he just needed his mom. He tried his hardest to fill that empty void but he knew that it was hard.

Finally he walked into Grace's room. His little girl was sleeping, her arms clutched around her favorite stuffed doll, named Baby, that she had received for her first birthday from her grandparents. She also had a blanket in her arms, the blanket that she couldn't sleep without. She didn't know it, but Summer had picked it out before.

He pushed his daughter's hair out of her face, kissing her cheek. She stirred slightly, then gave a sleepy sigh, turning to her side. Seth smiled. She looked so sweet, so innocent while sleeping.

He quietly left the house, going to his car. He started driving, having the music playing softly. He anxiously tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He knew that it was late and he really wasn't supposed to be going here this late, but he had too. If he waited until tomorrow he would have chickened out. He had to do it now or never.

He got out of the car and started walking. He was thankful that he had thought to grab a flashlight before he left the house, considering it was dark and he would never be able to find what he was looking for. Finally he found it.

He looked at her grave. This was the first time he had ever been to see it. He had never before been able to bring himself to do so. He just couldn't do it.

He sat down on the ground in front of it. He stared at what was written on it, bringing his hand to trace the letters of her name.

"Hi Summer," he said quietly as he continued running his hand across it. "This is the first time I've ever really come to see you. I could make excuses like the kids keep me busy, which they do, or work keeps me busy or something like that. Truthfully? I've been to scared. Too scared if I was to come here, it would all be over. I still cling onto you and I just...I don't know. It made me think that you would really be gone, that your memory would be taken from me. Tonight, though, I decided that I would come. I'm not going to let you go though. I will never be able to do that.

"Tonight I finally told our daughter about you. I know, I shouldn't have waited until she was four years old, but I couldn't bring myself to do it before." He paused. "By the way, I named her after you. Summer Grace Cohen. We don't call her Summer. We tried, but I couldn't handle it. She looks so much like you, that it just made me think of you again. Its not that I don't like thinking about you, it's just it made everything harder, seeing the mini version of you and then calling her your name. Grace fits her though.

"James and Cooper miss you a lot, sometimes more on certain days. We get by though. It's tough sometimes, especially the first few times I ever tried to cook. I've improved greatly, but Cooper still says that my pasta isn't as good as yours was. They're both really great kids too.

"Your daughter is exactly like you in looks and in her actions. She has rage blackouts a lot or just goes on rampages, destroying the house. I know have to repaint the kitchen for the third time, this time because of a crayon. It's okay, it was starting to need it, the dinosaur stamps from the last offense were starting to show again. She's a great kid, the daughter that we both always wanted.

"Summer, I miss you so much. It hurts more on some days. Sometimes I'm having a hard day at work and I just wish that I would be able to go home and relax, to see your smiling face greet me. Those days are the worst. And the days when the kids are being practically difficult. Sometimes I hate it so much you were taken away from me. I miss hugging you, kissing you, just being with you. I miss everything about you."

Seth stopped. He hadn't realized that he had tears coming out of his eyes. He hadn't cried about Summer in a while. He hadn't been this honest about everything with Summer in a while.

"I don't think I'll be coming back here again. I probably won't voice these thoughts ever again, this being the first time I've done this. But it doesn't mean that I won't be thinking about you. Trust me, you are always with me, day and night. You will always be with me. I love you."

He traced his fingers over her name one final time before standing back up. He glanced once more at the grave before turning and walking away.


End file.
